Self-Improvement

Recommendation: 10/10

One Liner: A powerful, straightforward, comprehensive framework for better communication and successful negotiation.

The Master: Chris Voss, former lead hostage negotiator for the FBI. This Masterclass is an abridgement of his book, "Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It."

The BIG Takeaway: Life is one big negotiation. Whether negotiating with yourself, a loved one, or a business partner, progress requires empathy and a trust-based exchange of perspectives. A few simple, authentic, rapport-building strategies will unlock a universe of potential when approached with a spirit of curiosity and deference. The quality of your life depends upon mastering the art of communication—this framework will help.

Who Should Watch: Everyone who's ever had a goal they'd like to make a reality. Everyone who's ever said something they regret, or who finds conversation difficult. Everyone who's ever had an argument about politics, love, or life. Everyone who needs to communicate—i.e. everyone.

Zinger: "The situation is the adversary, and the person across the table is your negotiating partner—a partner who's to be worked with, not against, in pursuit of a mutually beneficial outcome... Use curiosity, deference, empathy, influence, positivity, and rapport to craft the best deal possible."

HIGH LEVEL THOUGHTS

My favorite Masterclass to date. Chris Voss shares a powerful framework for engaging others more authentically, and thus more effectively. His techniques require very little time to learn and have wide ranging application. The best methods strip away complexity, conserving attention for what's really important—the mission. I've found Chris' approach to be highly practical. The learning curve feels low and the impact feels high. His system centers on creating a collaborative, trust-based environment. The methods give shape to authentic conversation, improving one's capacity to listen for understanding. Great negotiation requires great collaboration, and true collaboration requires trust. To establish trust, become trustworthy, and show it through genuine interest in your counterparts' point of view.

CRITICAL THEMES

Building Rapport

Overcome Fear of Loss: Fear distorts reality. People sleep like babies over gains—losses keep them up at night. People will destroy deals if they feel they're being treated unfairly. If you sense the other side feels taken advantage of, have them speak their minds and ask for examples of mistreatment. Their concept of fairness may clash with your own sensibilities, and perhaps you're just not a good fit—this has to be discovered. Keep negotiations grounded, collaborative, and positive. Inoculate against this fear with a label at the get-go.

E.g. "It's my intention to treat you fairly... if at any point you feel mistreated, let's go back and address it."

Trust-Based Influence: Establish a positive atmosphere for collaborative brainstorming. Display deference, stay curious, and clearly articulate your priorities to communicate goodwill. Get interested in what drives the other side. Understand their goals, motivations, wants, and fears. Trust-based influence is durable and low maintenance, and it leads to great deals.

Tactical Empathy: Empathy isn't the truth, and it's not reality—it's the other side's point of view. You may not agree, but you can help them feel understood. Great negotiation requires great collaboration, and this requires both parties to trust one another with the truth. Demonstrate good faith by being a straight-shooter and taking the time to understand their goals, motivations, wants, and fears. You cannot remove feelings from the process, and suppressing negative emotion destroys progress—people are smarter when they're in a positive frame of mind. Employ your tone, labels, mirrors, and dynamic silence to defuse negativity. Use curiosity, deference, and positivity to craft the best deal possible.

Accusations Audit: Unexpressed negative emotions never die—they fester. Get ahead of negativity by listing any and all objections the other side might have. Address the elephants in the room, be exhaustive, and lay it on thick. It's nearly impossible to overdo.

E.g "You probably think I'm a fool, that I've got no ground to stand on, that..."

Gathering Information

Black Swans: In any given negotiation, both sides withhold information. Little details, once revealed, can change the entire course of conversation. Chris calls these black swans. Negotiation is all about unearthing these gems and using them to strengthen rapport. Leverage them strategically to build tactical empathy, trust-based influence, and collaborative deals.

Mirroring: Reflect back your counterparts' words to help them feel heard. In repeating their words with a tone of curiosity, you express consideration and a desire for elaboration on their part. Eventually, you'll learn to mirror and summarize the essence of your counterparts' speech in your own words. Mirroring communicates your interest, and interested people are interesting. This encourages the sort of dialogue required for sincere collaboration.

Statement: “I’ve had a really difficult year, and it seems like you’re discounting all of the financial and personal stress I’ve been under...”

Mirror: “Financial and personal stress?”

Response: "Yea! You know, we've had a lot of unexpected issues with..."

Labeling: Verbally acknowledge the other side's position. Naming reinforces positive feelings, deactivates negative ones, and sets the stage for clarification. After using a label, shut up and let it sink in—don't step on it. People often fear that others will interpret their silence as anger. Let that go. Allow the other side to process, respond, and elaborate. In this way, you strengthen relationships while gaining new information. Focus on your counterpart and avoid all first-person pronouns; e.g. "I think..." or "I'm hearing..." etc. Intentionally mislabeling a negative emotion can help you inoculate against it.

E.g. "Sounds like you're under a lot of stress..."

"It seems like..."

"It looks like..."

Deadlines: Deadlines exist to get progress going. Legitimate deadlines are quite rare, and they go away if substantive headway is being made. Get ahead of implementation issues and use labels to negotiate favorable timelines.

E.g. "Sounds like the world is going to end if..."

"Seems like you're under a lot of pressure to..."

"How do we get back on track if..."

The 7-38-55 Rule: According to one study, people convey 7% of what they really mean verbally, 38% via tone of voice, and 55% through body language. Observe your counterparts' posture and mannerisms—read between the lines of what they're not saying. Speak truth to what you notice, reveal what's hidden using labels, and let the other side respond.

The Pinocchio Effect: When people are dishonest, they'll use more words than necessary to try and convince you. Their explanations grow, like Pinocchio's nose. A lie indicates the other side fears telling the truth—they perceive you as a threat. Defuse their fear with labels, avoiding all trace of accusation. They'll drop their guard.

E.g. “Have I missed something here? Sounds like..."

Mastering Delivery

Tone of Voice: People will reflect your energy. If your voice is hard-edged, you'll get a hard-edged reaction. Instead, display deference and curiosity. Chris details four tones of voice, or "personalities," along with two essential inflections: the Assertive, the Commentator, the Late-Night FM DJ, and the Analyst. The Assertive is frank and declarative—delivered like a punch in the nose. It's always counterproductive. The Commentator is playful and accommodating—delivered gently. This is your default voice, used 80% of the time. The Late-Night FM DJ is straightforward and soothing—delivered warmly. Use it situationally, 10-20% of the time. The Analyst is declarative and firm—delivered serenely but without the Late-Night FM DJ's warmth. Use it sparingly to make a stand. Pair these tones with an upward or downward inflection, used to convey deference or resolve respectively. Limit the scope of each communication, and always end positively—the last words seed the next interaction.

Yes and No Questions: Phrase questions so that "no" becomes a good answer. "Yes" smacks of commitment. "No," however, feels safe—no commitment required. "Yes" can take three forms: "Yes" as commitment, used to agree; "yes" as confirmation, used to affirm commitment; and "yes" as counterfeit, used to make you go away. A "yes" used for confirmation is dead without a "how"—anticipate and get ahead of implementation problems with "hows." When responding with a "no" yourself, give space to silence and let it sink in.

E.g. “Is this a good idea?” may be better phrased as “Is that a ridiculous idea?”

Calibrated Questions: Use "how" or "what" questions to promote empathy for your position. Asking "why" can trigger defensive posturing. Swap "why" for "what" to remove all sense of accusation. Pair your Late Night FM DJ voice with downward inflection. Ask legitimate questions while preserving everyone's sense of autonomy.

E.g. "How am I supposed to do that?

What would that look like?"

Dynamic silence: Let silence magnify the impact of a mirror or label. Allow time for adequate processing and a proper response. Silence creates space for authentic conversation. Give your counterpart the floor to expand upon your observations.

Bargaining Strategies: Prioritize collaborative brainstorming over back-and-forth bargaining. If it's unavoidable, however, use the Ackerman System. The key is to always increase by decreasing intervals and employ tactical empathy between each round.

1. Establish a target price.

2. Make an initial offer at 65% of your target price.

3. Raise your price by 20%.

4. Raise your price by 10%.

5. Raise by another 5%.

6. Make your final offer an odd number, and include some non-monetary compensation, like the shirt off your back.

GOLDEN NUGGETS (QUOTES)

"Interesting people are interested."

"Open your mind, maintain endless curiosity, and expect surprises—a closed mind never helped anyone."

"Your inner voice betrays your outer voice.”

"Let the other side have your way."

"Always end positively—the last words seed your next interaction."